FINALly

So, it's that time of the school year again...finals.  Yeppers. Fellow nursing students (students in general), you feel my pain. The only thing separating us from being one step closer to the hectic craziness of a new semester of nursing school is a week of this.  If you're as stressed as me, follow the directions below.

BTW, I passed clinical. Yay!!

This Isn't Everything You Are

Sometimes we just need to be reminded that we are more than we think we are. We cannot be defined by our circumstances.  There is more...and tomorrow is brighter.

25 Days to Christmas

I am oober big on to-do lists. So, to get into the holiday spirit, I've made a "25 Things I'd Like to Do Before Christmas" list.

1. Bake cookies
2. Sing Christmas carols 
3. Watch "Rudolph"
4. Make a snowman
5. Watch "A Year Without a Santa Claus" (completed Dec. 1)
6. Eat a candy cane
7. Color a Christmas themed picture
8. Hold a person's hand
9. Tell someone "I love You" (completed Dec. 4)
10. Go sledding

If I Could Tell You...

If you could send your past self a letter giving them advice about the future, what would you write?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  There is bunches that I'd like to say to that girl. You are loved...you are strong...you will grow into a beautiful person...etc. But that is not really advice, is it? No, if I could give my past self  a message, it'd be this:

Drinking Tea In Style

My sister just introduced me to my new favorite black tea: Lipton Black Pearl. If you don't like your black teas to be overwhelmingly strong (Breakfast teas are often really strong), this could be the one for you too.

So, today I made a pot of Black Pearl. My favorite mug (Mr. Grumpy Face) was in with the dirty dishes; so I went searching through the cupboards for another.  And I realized that I don't really have any other cool coffee mugs/tea cups to drink out of.  This saddens me.  As a tea fanatic, I feel that I should have better cups.  Tea should be drank in style

New tea = New cupS

Here are some of the mugs/cups I have found so far.

Modcloth $12.99

Bucket List: #51 Sing Karyaoke

So, last Friday I knocked off yet another item off my bucket list...thanks to my good friend Jess.  A bunch of people came up to visit for the weekend and we hit one of the bars to sing karaoke. Yeppers, I finally conquered my fear of singing in public. AND the best part is, the individuals before and after us were so snockered that we actually sounded pretty good.

So in celebration of having one less thing to do before I die (hopefully, I still have another 40 - 50 years) here is the song we sang...

Oops, I did it again!!!

Butterfly Fly Away

  The butterflies have all gone.
  They flew off with the night,
  Wings still beating strong.
  And I have woken up alone.

Give Me Sympathy

"Give Me Sympathy" by the Metric.  AWESOME!!!  I have literally had this song on repeat all day and I cannot, for the love of anything, get it out of my head.   A sign, perhaps? The song is all about choosing what sort of person you want to be (okay, so it's really about a band trying to find some direction; but, same dif). And I think this reflects where I am in my life.

Gimme sympathy   

After all of this is gone 

Who'd you rather be?   

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?

Oh, seriously  

You're gonna make mistakes, you're young 

Come on, baby, play me a song 

Like, "Here Comes the Sun"

I have some major decisions to make about the type of person I want to be.  Do I want to stand on the sidelines? Or do I want to be an active participant in my life?

 

...I already know the answer.

PS. If I were in a band...I'd rather be the Beatles too.

The List Every Girl Makes

Every little girl makes up a list of qualities that she is looking for in her future guy. Let's call it "the list".  If you have been told differently...she is lying.  Yes, I am outing us!

Being the pro/con list sort of girl I am, I openly admit to having compiled this list multiple times throughout my life. With each new phase in my life, what I am looking for has changed.

7 Yr Old Me                                   16 Yr Old Me 

                        1. Cute                                             1. Hot

                        2. Doesn't pick his nose                  2. Plays guitar

                        3. Plays sports                                3. Really smart

                        4. Is funny                                        4. Popular

                        5. Popular                                        5. Has a car

Me Now  

1. Honest                     6. Embraces my quirks           11. Hardworking

2 .Kind                         7. Looks past my pain             12. Brings out the best in me
3. Smart                       8. Patient                                 13. Stable and dependable
4. Responsible             9. Loves his mother                14. Makes me smile
5. Sure of himself        10. Man of God                        15. Great personality

Me Now looks for a lot more characteristics in a man than younger versions of myself and I am proud to say that she seems to be a lot less shallow too.  I think it's weird that girls transition from this "I want to date the cool guy" phase to "I want to date/marry the man that makes me happy" phase.  Ultimately that is what it comes down to, right? Who makes you happy?  Who makes you giddy and head-over-heals? Who...who...who?

The man a woman ends up with....is not a list. But there is no denying that he probably has some of the characteristics on "the list".

What is on your list?

On My Playlist This Month - November

1) Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute

I love when musicians collaborate on songs.  Lady Antebellum + Parachute = Squeal! I think that this song fits Parachute really well.

2) Always Looking - Dum Dum Girls

Don't be dumb...listen to this song. The sound is great.  Reminds me of a throwback to the 60's...sort of..except with edge.

3) All I Ever Wanted - Airborne Toxic Event

4) Amen - Edens Edge

Country at it's best...simple and sweet.  Amen.

Dancing Shoes - Green River Ordinance

So True...So True

You Know the Destination...(Cont.)

 Dear God,

You answer prayers in the most mysterious of ways. Today I got some direction.  Although this is not the direction I expected, it is the direction I need. So now I pray that you give me the courage to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. You are still awesome.

And I really need you now.

Love always, Ki

You Know the Destination...

Dear God,

You have such big plans for me. I know this...but sometimes I wonder what those plans are.  Today I am feeling a bit lost. So, of course, I am turning to you.  I just pray that you give me direction. Grant me the courage and patience to turn myself completely over to you.  You are great and just and gracious...and I just stand in awe of you.

Love, Ki

Who ya gonna call?

GHOSTBUSTERS!!! It's Halloween folks. How better to celebrate than with an 80's classic?

Ears Open, No Sound

After Mom first died, I used to go down to the cemetery after school and sit there for hours.  I would talk to her and imagine that she was answering me back.  I miss the sound of her voice. It was reassuring and comforting and...only hers.

Sometimes I still go to the cemetery to visit her.  I still sit there for hours talking to her...but I no longer imagine that she is answering me back.  Honestly, I cannot remember what her voice sounded like as well anymore.

The silence is deafening.

Pretty Boy Rock!

Who knew that a group of guys could do "Pretty Girl Rock"  better than Keri Hilson? Well, Parachute did. Their acoustic cover blows the original completely out of the water.  Let's hear it for the boys!

Let's Do theTime Warp

Last weekend I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show with some friends. It was an altogether interesting experience.  People really get into that movie (as demonstrated by call outs and the random throwing of objects). In one scene, it was raining and people came around to spray the audience with squirt guns.

One my favorite scenes was the Time Warp dance. I couldn't find the original online, but here is the Glee (yes, Glee) version. Enjoy!

Let's Watch the Muppets

Student Nurse Turned Cheerleader

Be assertive! Be, be assertive!

This week was my first official week of clinicals (i.e. I actually got to work with patients). It went...okay, it just went.  Right now I am tired and stressed and very happy that the week is almost over. For a while there, I felt truly discouraged.  I think that this is how most student nurses feel after their first real experience in the big bad shark tank of healthcare.

What have I learned so far? Firstly, to be assertive.  The only person with something at stake in my education is myself.  If I want to gain new knowledge, ultimately, it is my responsibility to seize opportunities.

As of now, I am becoming my own cheerleader.  Next week is going to be better.

GOOOOO! Kiley!

Fear vs. Dreams

Right now, To Write Love On Her Arms is doing a "Fears vs. Dreams" campaign. Individual's are invited to answer two questions: What's your biggest fear? What's your biggest dream? By adding your words, you are giving hope to those who feel alone and maybe even lessening your own loneliness. 

Please check out the video below; then to contribute your words, click on the link above.

  

My contribution:

Biggest Fear: Failing

Biggest Dream: To heal hearts

Note: I went through a pretty dark period in my life; so,To Write Love on Her Arms is an organization that is close to my heart.  Everyone struggles with feelings of worthlessness and loneliness at some point. But it is important for you to know that you are loved. And you are unique. And you are wanted.

Reach out to someone today and share that love.

Some Days...It Just Hurts!

Hmmm? To be addressed in the future.

Wrote this about a month ago and am just now posting. 

Do they truly want to know me?

Do I think they really care?

Although they smile in my direction,

I fear they may be insincere.

On My Playlist This Month - October

1. The One You Say Goodnight to - Kina Grannis

2. Pretend - The Lights

I absolutely love this song.  I feel like the lyrics resonate well with my life at the moment.

3. Last Kiss (Taylor Swift Cover) - Boyce Avenue

This so much better than the original.

4)  Gonna Get Over You - Sara Bareilles

5) Diary of Jane (Tribute to Breaking Benjamin) - Vitamin String Quartet

Dedicated to M...

 He broke down all her walls 

 and then took her by the hand.

 Sold her on a thing called love,

 but never bought the wedding band.

Who Am I?

Stinking coward!  Annoying blob!

Book-smart smartie full of doubt!

Things I just can't help but be

While searching for the inside me.

This One Is For You, D...

See that man, there on that porch?

He holds his drink like it's his torch.

And with each gulp, he numbs the pain.

He accepts the darkness, cannot find the flame.

:(

On My Playlist This Month

1. This Love (Will Be Your Downfall) - Ellie Goulding

I heard this song on an episode of Awkward...and instantly fell in love with it.  Already, I've played the song at least a hundred times.  And now I am sharing it with you so that This Love can be your downfall too.

2. Howl - Florence + the Machine

  

Intense!! What else is there to say.  Besides..."when is the next full moon."

3. You've got the Love - Florence + the Machine

 

Florence can do no wrong.

4. Pumped Up Kicks - Foster the People

 

Yesterday I went to see Fright Night (cheesy horror flick) with friends and this song came on. My excitement got the best of me; so, right there in the middle of the theater, I yelled "OMG! I just downloaded this song!!"

5. New In Town - Little Boots

This one has a sort of pop feel to it...but with a twist.

Opening Doors

A few months ago I posted the blog entry below and then took it down a couple of weeks later. I regret this action. That post was meant to be a declaration that I would no longer let my past affect me in such a negative way.  I now feel that taking that post down was like saying "I no longer mean this"...but I do.

My sister says that I have trouble opening up properly.  The truth is...she's right.

So, this is me opening a door. Please, do come in.

Sometimes the past catches up with me...something will remind me of her...or worse, something reminds me of him.  I retreat into this place deep inside myself, a place where I am still just a kid trying desperately to deal. That's when the tears start welling up inside me. I feel the anger, the regret, and the sadness...why are they  always so nearby?  We are like old friends that know it is best to part ways (the friendship is too toxic), but can never separate for long. 

Tonight I came to the realization that it is not my past holding me back, it is myself. There is nothing trapping me anymore. He is gone...she is gone...they are gone...the situation has been resolved.  But though the door has opened, for some reason I choose to remain in my cage. Stupid, stupid girl.  I was a stupid, stupid girl...but not anymore.

I'd like to give my regards to the anger, the regret, and the sadness.  The next time we meet it shall be in a random collision of sorts.  Tonight, I wipe you away like these tears.

Perhaps I am finally ready to take to the skies.

BTW: Kelsey, challenge accepted.

On My Playlist This Month

1. A Little More Time - Zox

 

 These guys are ridiculously good. Their sound is unique and I like that. The entire album was awesome, but somehow this is the song that ended up on my repeat. "Give me just a little more time..."

2. If - House of Heroes

 

3. Walking Far From Home - Iron and Wine

 

 I love this song.  The lyrics are...yeah...they're that splendid.

4. Can You Tell - Ra Ra Riot

5. Can't Stand It - Never Shout Never

I am in love with this band...and I just can't stand it. This song is really cute and catchy.  I find myself moving along with it every time I listen.  SMILES!

I Will Wait For You

My sister sends me the neatest videos.  This one is about waiting for a Godly man rather than settling. It is thought provoking...and clever...and pretty much awesome.

Challenge Books - One, Two, and Three

Book #1: Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
The Gist: Rachel, though beautiful in her own right and very hardworking, has always paled in comparison to her vibrant best friend Darcy. Darcy is hot and chic and always seems to get what she wants... or does she? On the night of her 30th birthday, Rachel ends up "hooking up" with Darcy's fiance Dex. At first Rachel feels horrible about it, but soon finds herself becoming more involved with Dex and falls in love.  This book explores the boundaries between love and friendship.  To find out which Rachel chooses, read the book. :)
Rating: 3.5/5
Was it worth it? Yes
Brief thoughts: It was real easy to relate to Rachel, who has always felt a little like second best. I was rooting for her and Dex throughout the entire book; I just couldn't help myself.  Darcy was too much for me to handle.  I found Darcy's selfishness too overwhelming.
Would I recommend it? Yes

 

Book #2: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

Rating: 4/ 5

Was it worth it? Yeppers

Brief thoughts: Ever since I saw the movie I have been looking forward to reading this book.  It was pretty awesome.

Would you recommend it? Yes

Book #3: The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson

Rating: 4/5

Was it worth it? Yes

Brief thoughts: This was a beautiful portrayal of overcoming grief.  I felt for Lennie and her grief became my own.  The book felt very poetic in nature. 

Would you recommend it? Yes

Goodreads 2011 Reading Challenge

So I've always wanted to participate in a book challenge and I thought that this one would be perfect. It's simple to begin...just sign up for Goodreads if you aren’t already a member and pick the number of books you are challenging yourself to read in 2011. You can track what you read and see how friends are doing too. My goal is to read 36 books. :) 

Check out this link: Goodreads 2011 Reading Challenge

 

Dear God...It's Me, Kiley!

So, when it comes to praying...I am the sort of girl who writes prayers down on whatever is available at the time (coffee cup, notebook, exam, etc).  Some have been lost forever, but if God got them that's all that matters. It took me a few days to find all the one's below.  Anyways, here is a compilation of prayers from this semester.  I wanted to put these prayers all in one place so that I could maybe look back on them at a later date.  Prayers can be revealing since they give a taste of what's on a person's mind.  I wonder what mine say about me....probably that I am a stressed college student...well, check.

Dear God,

•  Thank you! That exam went so much better than I hoped.
• I am trying to be patient, but I've never truly experienced love (the romantic sort) or been in a lasting relationship.  Compared to others my age...well...how will I know?  I just want to know...ya know?
• Summer job?
• Bless Aunt Rhonda and Uncle Don!
• Please help Dad get a job. He has made huge changes and this would make his year.
• Be with David's family. Comfort them and give them strength.
• Help me pass counceling exam.
• Nursing checkoff tomorrow! Me + You = Pass. Grant me the confidence to kick butt.
• You are great!
• Please help me pass NURS 212! I think it's going to make me go crazy.
• To be happy! :)
• Give me the courage to resolve issues and to confront problems head on.
• Ummm...my planning ahead skills could use a little work lately. :(
• Please be with Alicia's family as they mourn the loss of their relative. Give them comfort and lift them up.
• Help me to open up.
• This thing...is it going to work out. Right now I don't feel as if the friendship is mutual; instead, I feel like a doormat...like my frustration is not important. I am confused.
• You are love!
• Thanks!
• Grant Larissa grace.
• Kelsey + Dad + jobs?
• PCA? Yay!!! Love you! (Disclaimer: not that I don't love you already).
• What are my gifts?
• Where do I fit in here? Feeling a little lost.
• Please be with Aunt Sandy and her family. May her heart and body heal. :)
• Please help me to let go of my past. I am not who I was.  I want to be more open and feel able to be myself.
• May Aunt Rhonda and Grams return home safely from their trip. Bless Gabe.
• Be my coffee!
• How did I get here?
• Though there be snow on the ground, may it be spring in my heart.
• Be with Cassie wherever that may be. Keep her safe and happy and whole.
• May Kelsey be happy. :)
• Why do I still think of "Person X" so much? Isn't it a bit obsessive? Help me understand...or to forget...or to think less of.
• I am so proud of Dad, God.  I just though I'd share that with you.

Bucket List #8: Road Trip with Friends

Over spring break I went to the Mall of America in Minnesota with friends via road trip.  It was a very interesting experience to say the least.  I spent 9 hours in a car both ways.  Here are a few pics from Minnesota and the trip.

 1st Day

 

Theme park had awesome roller coasters

Four floors of craziness

 

 I love this turtle.  MOA has an aquarium in the basement.

 Fun...fun...fun!!!

 High five!

 How many licks does it take to get the the center of a tootsie pop?

 I am one of the tiny specks walking the gang plank.

 Escalator fun.

 At Bubba Gumps. Run Forest, Run!

Larger than life Lego sculptures at the Lego store.

:)

Bucket List #43: Be in Two Places at Once

On our way to Minnesota for spring break, my friend Kim and I stopped at the Michigan/Wisconsin border to fulfill one of our girlish childhood dreams...to be in two places at once.

It was nearly midnight when we got to the border.  We were cold...and tired...and strangely giddy.  That's the perfect recipe for making memories last.




:)

A Friend Is....

Recently I got a text from a friend asking me if I was 'okay'.  And after receiving this text, I began to think about what makes up a friendship and what makes a person a friend.  This is a concept that I have been struggling with a lot lately.  I am realizing that there are currently people in my life that  have not been very good friends...and that there are other people who have been great friends...and that I am having trouble distinguishing between the two.  But I am also realizing that I myself have shortcomings when it comes to being a friend.

So what is a friend?  Here is a breakdown of characteristics that most young people hope to find in a friend.  You can check out ReachOut.com for the rest of the list.

A friend is:

• someone who will support you no matter what
• someone you can trust and who won't judge you
• someone who won't put you down or deliberately hurt your feelings, but will show kindness and respect
• someone who will love you not because they feel they have to because you're their friend, but because they choose to
• someone whose company you enjoy and whose loyalty you can depend upon
• someone who will be there no matter what your situation is
• someone who is trustworthy and not afraid to tell you the truth, no matter how hard it is sometimes
• someone who can laugh when you laugh
• someone who will stick around when things get rough
• someone who makes you smile
• someone who can accept you for who you are, and just lend you an ear when you need to whine or complain
• someone who will cry when you cry
• someone who will give you room to change.

Here's a shout out to friends in general...no matter if you are five minutes away or five hours away.  I am sending my love.


:)

Treasure Troves and Coffee

Coffee Tuesdays are for exploring...and drinking white mocha lattes.  And today was no different.  We ended up downtown at Sault Realism on a jewelry hunt to find a locket.  I recently came into a small amount of money because of a certain birthday and very much wanted to treat myself to a present.  Sadly, I did not find the locket I've had my on (purple lilies with a Victorian screen over top); but, I did pick up a few business cards from the girl that makes them.

Check out wearableartbyjude.etsy.com!  There were a lot of cute handmade lockets made by Jude...plus many more made by various other Etsy artists.  Below are a few of my favorites.  I think I may have to start collecting these things.

 

 

:0

Nowhere to Go But Up!

For the last few weeks, I've really been in a sad mood.  But this week has definitely been the worst.  I failed at something really important and now I am struggling to redeem myself...and I feel I am failing even at that.

I'm not sure if I've ever felt this out of control of my life.  Everything seems to be speeding downhill; And, instead of being in the driver's seat, I am nothing but an onlooker on the side of the road.  I see a cliff, but I can't stop the car. 

The scariest part is that maybe secretly I want everything to hit rock bottom.  Because once a person hits rock bottom, THERE IS NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP!  And I really, really want things to start going back up.

):

Time Changes Everything

So, today I was looking through some of my old journals and I found this entry.  Honestly, it's hilarious.  I am amazed by how much one's state of mind can change in just little under a year.  The girl who wrote this entry was yearning for love "right now"...and the girl who is writing this blog is happily single.  I guess that ,since then, I've actually developed some patience.  God is good.  And whenever He's ready to send that special someone my way, I'll be ready.  But in the meantime, why shouldn't I enjoy the time I have to myself.  I am young and free and excited about life.

Dear God,

I feel weird inside...conflicted almost. Here is this great guy. He makes me laugh and has this uncanny way of getting me to open up to him. You know that opening up to anyone, let alone to a guy (you know my trust issues too), is hard for me to do. But I feel like I can be myself around this one. So, you might think this next question is weird. I want to let myself be happy, but... WHY HIM AND WHY NOW OF ALL TIMES IN MY LIFE?

In three weeks, I will leave GVSU to never come back. I may never see this guy again. This me who can't get him out of my head...who gets giddy inside after talking to him...who feels confused when I haven't talked to him...what am I supposed to do for her? I want to know where this would go if I could stay, but I'm afraid I'll never get to find out.

I'm afraid that if I continue to keep feeling as I do right now that I'll get hurt. With only three weeks left, is getting hurt worth it?

If you could let me in on your plan that would be great. I hope that there is a lesson that comes of all this or that maybe you still have something in the cards that I haven't thought of yet. May I have patience and faith.

I just want be...happy.

Love, Kiley

 There was a lesson: DON'T FRET, JUST WAIT!


:)

Land Ho!

This is my first attempt at writing poetry in over three years:

Words were my anchor.
Though in a sea of worry,
I was grounded. STRONG!

Now all is lost.
Where the wind does blow,
this ship must go. GONE!

I showed this to my sister earlier and she said it was a good start. Kelsey knows my poetry better than I do; so, I value her opinion a lot. She has pretty much every poem memorized...mostly because she used to sneak into my journal and copy whatever poem I wrote that day down in her own. She still has those poems and looks at them regularly. I on the other hand avoid them like a plague. But I'm determined not to anymore. Land Ho!
 

Hot FM New Years Party 2010-11 (Grand Rapids!)

For New Years Eve, me and some friends (Kelsey, Shanin, and Michele) went to Grand Rapids for the Hot FM New Years Party.

Getting there was a trip and a half.  First my breaks started leaking break fluid and so stopped working.  Luckily, though, we were close enough to home at that point for my dad to fix them.  Then once we got on our way again, one of the tires went flat.  Someone was nice enough to stop to help us change the tire.  THANKS GUY IN THE CLEAN NEW KHAKIS!

We almost decided to turn around and head back, but thankfully we didn't.  Otherwise, we would have missed one rocking new year.

Good Charlotte headlined and they were awesome.  Also playing were We the Kings, Runner Runner, Frankie Ballard (Michele and I stood in line like an hour or more to get his autograph) and Kaci Battaglia.

Below is a video of Good Charlotte's "Like It's Her Birthday." 
  

  

If you've ever seen Rosa Park Square, you know that it's not that big.  Well, on New Year's Eve, over 40,000 people packed in there to see the concerts and ball drop.  Michele, Kels, Shanin, and I were rather close to the stage.

Overall, it was a great experience.  Next year should be even better.