Confessions of a Nursing School Dropout

I have a confession to make...I just dropped out of college.  Not permanently, of course.  I'm too smart (aka proud) for that.  No, I'm taking a semester off to reevaluate my life.  What do I want to do?  If it was truly nursing, I do not think I'd feel this darn miserable.  So, nursing?  I need to figure this out quickly.

Some things you (I) should know about me.

1. I am a planner.  I have had the same plan - become a nurse - since I began college.  That was 6 years ago.  And I have adjusted, rerouted, and turned my life upside down to reach that goal.
2. I am a people pleaser.  I do what I am expected.  My family and friends said "You'd make a great nurse," and I listened.  The truth is, is  that I have questioned whether nursing is for me for some time. Yet I have continued to press forward. Why?
3. I am very unhappy. Perhaps I am caving under the stress of the program.  Even I am not beneath admitting that.  But what I am experiencing is beyond that.  As a planner, I manage stress well...at leeast the stresses of school work, etc.  What I am experiencing is part depression, part high intensity anxiety.  I cry myself to sleep.  Have no passion for what I used to.  My heart beats at 100 bpm.  I have pounding chest pain.  My mind races at a million mph.  This, folks, is what happens when a planner;s plan is derailed.  Natural combustion.  I've burned myself out...finally.
4. I used to be happy.  I loved life.  I was passionate about things outside of my nursing bubble.  Like volunteering.  And crafts. And being with friends.  And reading. And God.  I was positively positive and little could bring me down.
5. I still love caring.  I love my patients and clients.  I love getting down and dirty and performing that basic care some nurses dread.  And especially loved my job this summer (but not my coworkers) as a CNA.
6. I hate the added responsibilities that come with nursing (the profession).  The constant charting.  The politics.  The pressure to perform.  Somewhere hidden under all that, nursing is still about caring; but there is a reason nursing has such a high burnout rate.  And I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life...well...constantly burnt out.
7. I feel lost.
8. I want to be found. The girl in #4 was awesome.
9. I am willing to give up almost anything to get her back.  My professors, family, friends...may not get this, but I do.  I am exhausted.  I am tired of doing what I'm expected.  I am ready to live my life.

No one ever puts enough emphasis on mental health, I feel.  If unravels so quickly if you're not paying attention.  Obviously, I was not paying myself attention.  I am now.