Opening Doors

A few months ago I posted the blog entry below and then took it down a couple of weeks later. I regret this action. That post was meant to be a declaration that I would no longer let my past affect me in such a negative way.  I now feel that taking that post down was like saying "I no longer mean this"...but I do.

My sister says that I have trouble opening up properly.  The truth is...she's right.

So, this is me opening a door. Please, do come in.

Sometimes the past catches up with me...something will remind me of her...or worse, something reminds me of him.  I retreat into this place deep inside myself, a place where I am still just a kid trying desperately to deal. That's when the tears start welling up inside me. I feel the anger, the regret, and the sadness...why are they  always so nearby?  We are like old friends that know it is best to part ways (the friendship is too toxic), but can never separate for long. 

Tonight I came to the realization that it is not my past holding me back, it is myself. There is nothing trapping me anymore. He is gone...she is gone...they are gone...the situation has been resolved.  But though the door has opened, for some reason I choose to remain in my cage. Stupid, stupid girl.  I was a stupid, stupid girl...but not anymore.

I'd like to give my regards to the anger, the regret, and the sadness.  The next time we meet it shall be in a random collision of sorts.  Tonight, I wipe you away like these tears.

Perhaps I am finally ready to take to the skies.

BTW: Kelsey, challenge accepted.